Helping Your Young Child Learn to Forgive Others

Parents need to help their child understand what forgiveness is and why they need to forgive others. For the Christian, forgiveness is based on God’s love and His forgiveness of us. God also commands us to forgive others in His Word. He even lists consequences if we don’t forgive others. Unforgiveness can hinder our prayers being and our personal relationship with God.

Even from a worldly perspective, psychologists, counselors and social workers recognize the importance of forgiveness and the negative effects of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and hatred that impacts our happiness and quality of life. And it causes stress and anxiety which in turn affects our physical health and well-being.

So where do we start to help our young children understand how important forgiveness is?

1. We model forgiveness ourselves.  Our kids need to see us forgiving others. We can ask forgiveness of our spouse in front of them for something we failed to do. We can also share an age-appropriate situation we had with someone and explain what we did to forgive them. We also need to ask for our child’s forgiveness when we fail them—perhaps we fail to keep a promise, or show up late for something important to them. We should not make excuses for our failures every time, or they will learn to do the same thing when they fail. We just need to ask their forgiveness and tell them we’ll try harder the next time to keep that promise.

2. We need to make sure our child understands how God forgives them when they ask Him to come into their heart.
3. We need to teach them what God says about forgiving others and share scriptures about forgiveness.
4. We can encourage our child to express their feelings–hurts and anger when someone does something to them. We can listen without judgement—just love on them. This helps them realize it’s ok to feel these things.
5. We can let them know it’s ok to tell God how they feel. He doesn’t get mad or upset. But then they can ask God to help them forgive the other person.
6. We should emphasize that if someone does something illegal or harmful to them or others, they should always tell an adult. They should tell so that person doesn’t keep doing bad things, but they can still forgive them.
7. Explain to them that forgiveness is not a feeling—it’s a choice and an action they take. When we forgive, we don’t forget what they did. It may still hurt and make us feel sad or angry, but that’s ok because we are obeying God and He will help us with our feelings.
8. God says not to take revenge (or try to get back at them, which is what we humanly want to do). God is the one who will judge them; and we can be sure God is fair and just.
9. How should they react when someone hurts them, teases them or bullies them? After they forgive them they can ask God to help them show kindness to the person. Brainstorm with your child some ways they might show kindness (maybe invite that person to sit with them at lunch at school, or give them a compliment or offer to help them in some way.)
10. Here’s an activity you can do with your child to help them visualize forgiveness practically. Explain that forgiving is letting go of your unforgiveness. Giving it to God. Buy a helium balloon, take it outside and ask your child to pray after you or pray on their own, “I forgive ______ for_______.  Help me show kindness and love to them.” Then let the balloon go and watch it disappear into the heavens.