Have you ever heard a parent perhaps in a grocery store yelling at their kids—berating them, telling them they are no good for nothing? I cringe when I hear things like that because WORDS —especially our words as parents— have the power to actually shape how a child sees themselves now and in the future. We know how someone’s harsh or critical words can hurt us even as adults. And it’s even more hurtful for a child who has no experience in knowing how to accept or reject or evaluate what they hear about themselves.
There’s been a lot of research done on the effects of criticism and negative words on children. It has been scientifically shown that in order for children to develop a positive view of themselves, they need at least 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction.
THE HELP MOVIE
If you remember the movie “The Help (2011)”, Abileen is an African-American maid living in Jackson, Mississippi. She cares for Elizabeth’s daughter, Mae Mobley, whom Elizabeth does not treat well. But Abileen holds the child on her lap and repeats to her: “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important.
Kids don’t come into this world knowing they’re loved, special, have a purpose, and have the power to change the world. They have to be told this! We as a parents need to constantly let our children know they are loved by God and us and that they matter. The purpose of our words should be to affirm, protect, and encourage our children so that they know they are loved, capable, worthy, and brave.
GOD USED WORDS
Think about it–God used only His words when He spoke the universe into existence. In the book of Genesis, we see God made us in His image and after His likeness. Therefore, we were created to be imitators of the way God operates. Our words have power!
Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Our tongue can be used as a weapon to harm and destroy or as a tool to build up and heal.
In our everyday busy lives, we often don’t even notice our words. We correct our children—sometimes even nag. It takes intention to speak positive and encouraging words. In the notes for this podcast I’ve put a link to a list of short positive phrases you can use to encourage your child. You can download the PDF or print it out. Be deliberate about speaking positive words of encouraging, writing them in notes to put in your child’s lunchbox, leaving them on their pillow at bedtime or under their plate at mealtime. Aim to offer these positive affirmations at least 5x daily. Let’s encourage our children so they can become all they were created to be.
Our words have such an impact, thank you for sharing this important reminder. My kids are all grown up, but I find that it’s still so important to give them words of encouragement. I love to tell my grandkids how special they are to me and to God also.